Falling In Love is Easy. Staying There is The Hard Part.

I’ve purposely avoided writing about this topic on the blog. I am many things, but a love guru is not one of them. Love can be messy and complicated and just plain confusing. And writing about it?… Well, where do you even begin?

No, I’m not a love guru, but I’ve been noticing a pattern happening around me. Here are five reasons why I think so many of today’s relationships don’t end up lasting.

#5. You can’t punish your partner for things that happened in your past.

We’ve all been hurt before: friends who didn’t come through when we needed them to, partners who took us for granted, loved ones who disappointed us…. We’ve had our egos bruised and our trust broken by family, strangers, situationships, and everything in between. Some of us have been the ones who did the hurting.

If you’re holding your feelings hostage because of things that happened in your past then you’re not going to be able to move forward. You need to commit to working through your old baggage and addressing your own traumas before you try committing to another person.

Get yourself a therapist, start a journal, or do whatever you need to do, but you have to figure yourself out and be willing to leave some things behind you. If you’re holding on to your past your arms will be too full to embrace something new.

“If you’re holding on to your past your arms will be too full to embrace something new.”

#4. Your significant other will never be your other half. 

If you’re looking for your significant other to somehow bring meaning to your life then your relationship is most likely bound to fail. Your partner is supposed to compliment you, not complete you. A healthy relationship is made up of two people who are already complete and secure in who they are. Some of us are so “ready” to be in a relationship because we can’t stand the thought of being alone, but you can be with someone and still feel alone. Get to know yourself. What do you like? What do hate? What scares you or makes you feel alive? What are your wildest dreams? Ask yourself the hard questions. Then stand in your truth and see what happens.

#3. Being vulnerable is a requirement, not an option.

The world can be very cruel. Most of us have survived this long because we’ve learned to guard our hearts, and rightly so. That defense mechanism can be helpful in so many situations, but it will really hurt your relationship. Letting love in means giving someone the opportunity to hurt you, but trusting them not to. Give them the chance to show you that they’ve got your back. Let them show you they’re willing to earn your trust.

“Letting love in means giving someone the opportunity to hurt you, but trusting them not to.”

#2. Love isn’t a fairy tale.

We live in a society that’s obsessed with love. It’s been shoved down our throats since we were kids. To be honest, it seems that a lot of people are in relationships just for the cute Instagram posts. Love isn’t about the cute pictures and cheesy quotes. Love, like everything else, is a journey. Embrace the ride with eyes wide open. Know what areas you’re willing to compromise in and what areas you’re not. Real life is not like the movies. You have to be willing to put in the work.

#1. Heartbreak may be just around the corner… or not.

If we’re really honest with ourselves sometimes we’re mostly scared that if we take a chance on love then it will, by some crazy turn of events, all work out in the end. And that can be terrifying. At times its easier to go into it halfway than to give it our all. It’s true, you may try and fall, but what if you fly?

“Falling in love is easy. People do it all the time. Staying in love… that’s a choice.”

Falling in love is easy. People do it all the time. Staying in love… that’s a choice. If you’re really committed to someone you have to choose love even when you may not want to. When they give you butterflies and make your stomach feel like its doing backflips, choose love. When they’re pushing your buttons and you want to call it quits, choose love. When you’re scared and unsure and you want to run away because you think it might hurt less, choose love.

It may just be worth it. ❤

Love & light,

Felecia Shanice


One thought on “Falling In Love is Easy. Staying There is The Hard Part.

  1. I can’t say as though I agree with you on all of this, Felicia. As a woman in love with the same woman who’s been in love with me for 48.11 years, we do complete each other and your relationship can remain like a fairy tale if you choose to live a romantic life. Also, we never entertain the thought of heartbreak being in the picture, let alone around the corner. (We’ve seen that expectation and subliminal fear become a self-fulfilling prophecy for way too many couple.) But you’re spot on about never punishing your partner about baggage memories and the need to be vulnerable. Wishing you love everlasting and laughter ever after. Marguerite Quantaine


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